One-on-One Extra Training
by Darkhymns
Summary: Papyrus' very first training lesson with Undyne, Captain of the Royal Guard (and accomplished pianist).


The guy had been knocking on her door for six hours straight.

Undyne grumbled out of bed _yet again_ , red hair all frazzled, grinding her teeth to even sharper points. She stomped to the front door, its own angry grimace design matching hers. It swished open, sharp fangs opening to reveal her stalker.

"NYEH HEH HEH! HELLO AND GOOD MORNING." A skeleton waved one arm, his joints creaking and clacking against each other. Despite how dark and dim-lighted Waterfall was, the other's wide smile was so painfully bright that it threatened to burn through her eye patch. "I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS."

Undyne slouched, still very sleepy. "Yes. I know. You texted me that just five minutes ago."

"OH! I WAS WORRIED MY MESSAGES WERE NOT GETTING THROUGH."

An understatement. Her phone was completely full with the guy's text messages. It was even putting her phone's infinite storage space that Alphys had installed for her to the test.

"It's four in the morning," she told him. Usually she'd be shouting the monster back into his place, but she was exhausted. "Why are you still here?"

"WHY, AS I HAVE SAID THE LAST FORTY-FOUR TIMES WE HAVE SPOKEN THIS MONTH, I WANT TO PROVE MYSELF TO YOU." Papyrus put a hand over his chest, body straight and rigid, eye sockets sparkling as the red scarf he wore billowed out from behind him. This guy and his dorky clothes. "I WANT TO ENLIST AS PART OF YOUR ROYAL GUARD-"

"No."

"AND HELP CAPTURE HUMANS FOR THE BETTERMENT OF MONSTERKIND-"

"I said no."

"FOR I WILL BE THE RADDEST DUDE TO EVER WORK ALONGSIDE THE BEST AND THE BRIGHTEST IN THE UNDERGROUND-"

"Ngaah! Listen here, punk!" Undyne lobbed a glowing spear at the skeleton's feet. She missed, still too tired and too weak in her depth perception to actually hit him. Either way, it made him stop in mid-speech. "I already said we don't have any openings in the Royal Guard and that's that!"

She hoped, like any normal monster, that the skeleton would take the hint and get out of her face already. Papyrus' head looked down at the spear, just an inch away from his bright red boots. She was disappointed to see that his skull showed the opposite of fear and apprehension. (Well, as much as she could tell). In fact, he looked downright giddy.

"OH! IS THIS A TRAINING EXERCISE?! DOES THIS MEAN YOU WILL BE TRAINING ME?"

"What? Are you stupid-"

"I GLADLY ACCEPT! WOWIE!" Papyrus placed both hands over his cheekbones, blushing red and eyes as wide as black, empty saucers. "TO RECEIVE TRAINING FROM THE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD! WHAT AN HONOR!"

Undyne placed a hand over her face, sighing. What a long night it's been. "If I train you, will you go away?" she hissed. "Like, right now?"

"IS THIS PART OF MY TRAINING?" Papyrus asked, eye sockets still sparkling.

"Sure," she said, eye lid twitching. "Why not? First lesson, to test your patience. Go home and let me _freaking sleep!"_

Papyrus instantly did a salute to Undyne, nearly cracking his own skull with back of his hand. "AYE AYE, CAPTAIN! I PROMISE TO UPHOLD THESE ORDERS AND EXCEED YOUR EXPECTATIONS. AND I WILL DO SO KNOWING THAT YOU BELIEVE IN ME!"

Undyne was scratching her behind, eye half-lidded, and still grimacing. "Great."

"I WILL REPORT BACK LATER FOR OUR NEXT LESSON. THANK YOU FOR THIS AMAZING OPPORTUNITY."

"Swell, now get out of here."

"NYEH HEH HEH!"

It took an extra five minutes of her prodding before the skeleton finally walked off, doing little skips in the air to show off his enthusiasm. Undyne slammed shut the door before she could see him off.

What sucked was that tomorrow was _Saturday._ There goes that planned visit to Alphys…

* * *

Of course, Papyrus was back four hours later.

"I AM HERE AND READY TO DRILL!" Papyrus said, once again on her front steps. She was at least dressed more properly now, decked in her armor sans helmet. The skeleton was still in his costume that, while she wouldn't be caught _dead_ wearing, he was really pulling off rather well. "AND BY DRILLING, I MEAN PARTICIPATING IN THIS TRAINING DRILL THAT I AM CONFIDENT THAT YOU HAVE PREPARED US FOR. I CANNOT WAIT TO EXPERIENCE ALL YOUR KNOWLEDGE AND EXPERTISE IN THE ART OF BATTLE!"

Undyne summoned another aqua-blue spear, casually balancing it in her hand. "Prepared? Tch. Nah, punk. When it comes to battle, nothing can prepare you." She grinned wide. "That's why I'm going to teach you how to fight head-on! No hesitation! No doubting! Punch first, ask questions later!"

Papyrus looked absolutely stunned, and overwhelmingly happy. "WOWIE! THAT… THAT IS SO INSPIRATIONAL!"

Granted, she had come up with that on the spot. But Undyne was at her best when she was winging it, and she was winging this impromptu training lesson _so much_ right now. Adrenaline was already coursing through her veins. She was going to train the hell out of this guy.

It may or may not have to do with how the skeleton had kept her up for the whole night, leaving her a little sleep-deprived. Or how he left numerous voicemails on her phone. Or how he seemed to always invite himself to a private chatroom she made for her and Alphys in the Undernet. Either way, Papyrus was getting what he wanted.

"Now for your second lesson! To test your endurance!" Undyne lifted her arm, her grin wide and manic. "Let's see how tough you really are!"

"OH!" Papyrus clapped his hands in awe. "ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH ME HOW TO DODGE AN INCOMING DEADLY ATTACK FROM MY ENEMIES?"

"No! Dodging is for losers!" Her arm muscles bunched. "A real monster faces danger head on!"

"AHA! I SEE-"

The spear hit him square in the forehead.

Undyne was mildly impressed. The skeleton didn't even fly back from the force. He remained in place, shouting another 'NYEH!' from the blow, but otherwise was still very upright. There wasn't even the hint of a bruise on his skull.

"Ha, guess you're pretty tough, huh?" At least this training session wouldn't be a total waste of time.

"WHY THANK YOU!" Papyrus nodded jubilantly, then puffed out his chest, trying to mimic Undyne's tough stance. "MAY I HAVE ANOTHER, CAPTAIN?"

Another spear was already in her hand. "You get what you asked for, punk!"

* * *

While there was nothing more satisfying than having target practice with an overly yelling opponent, Undyne knew they couldn't do this all day. Well, okay, _they could,_ but training was all about variety. And even if she hadn't meant to go full out for this, the sweat on her brow and the burn in her muscles let her know that this was all turning out to not be such a bad idea.

She had lobbed her 648th spear at Papyrus, his 'battle body' scraped, though his scarf luckily free of tatters. He still had that dumb smile on his face, hands on his hips, not at the least bit perturbed by Undyne's past feats of strength. "THANK YOU, CAPTAIN! MAY I HAVE ANOTHER, CAPTAIN?"

"Later! We're switching off!" Undyne stomped the ground so furiously that it cracked underneath her feet. "You've shown that you have the endurance! And the patience! But do you have the _power?!"_

The force of her words reverberated across the stone walls, bounced off the water, traveling far across the area until it even reached Hotland. A certain little lizard monster jumped at the shout, looking all around her laboratory to see if her friend had made another impromptu visit.

Papyrus didn't seem to be affected by the shout. He still stood there with content, almost daring in a way. "THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS VERY POWERFUL INDEEED! MY BROTHER SAYS SO, AND I BELIEVE IN HIM! AS I BELIEVE IN YOU! AND HOPE THAT YOU BELIEVE IN ME, TOO!"

That was a mouthful, but Undyne was able to parse through it while her fingers twitched. She had come up with the perfect test. "First you have to prove your worth!"

From behind her, she pulled out a little table, carved with cute little fishy patterns on the wood. She planted it squarely between her and Papyrus, making further cracks into the ground.

Fist clenched, she placed her elbow on top of the table.

"By beating me at arm-wrestling!"

Few ever took on Undyne's challenges. Even her own Royal Guard would balk at the idea of trying to beat their boss, resulting in sprained wrists and plaintive whines. (The last who did had been Doggo, and he couldn't see her to understand what was happening at the time). But she was starting to like this Papyrus, who met her outrageous and slightly cruel demands with the utmost enthusiasm.

"I HAVE NEVER TRIED THIS WRESTLING AT THE ARMS BUT I WILL DO MY BEST. AS I AM SURE YOU WILL. LET'S BOTH DO OUR BEST!"

"Hey, you're testing _my_ patience now! Let's go!"

Papyrus mimicked her stance, his own bony arm looking so thin and breakable to her bulging scales. His mitten-covered hand met hers in a fierce clasp. "OH! I READ THIS IN ONE OF MY HOW-TO MANUALS! IF I RECALL, WE SHOULD HAVE FRIENDLY PRE-COMPETITVE BANTER TO DEMONSTRATE OUR SPORTSMANSHIP TO EACH OTHER AND BE SURE THERE ARE NO BITTER EMOTIONS BETWEEN US!"

"Boring! 3 2 1 _go!"_

Her zeal for the sport had caught Papyrus off guard. The poor skeleton went flying off to the side through the sheer force of her grip. He lay flat on the ground, eye sockets bulging as he tried to make sense of what happened. But by the looks of it, he had no broken bones anywhere, which spoke to his previously-tested endurance.

"That's why you have to be prepared!" Undyne flexed, and karate-chopped the table, just because she could. "You never know when a stronger opponent can overwhelm you! And so you have to raise your own potential! Until one day you can beat your enemy to a pulp!"

Papyrus instantly sat up, once again in awe and wonder. Probably impressed by her biceps, no doubt. "W-WOWIE. I FEEL LIKE I AM LEARNING SOMETHING SO VALUABLE. BUT, UM…" He looked to the now broken table, and his own position on the ground. "DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE FAILED THE LESSON?"

"Are you kidding me?" Undyne stomped the ground again, his sharp, bright smile growing ever wider. "You don't fail unless you quit! Are you a quitter?" She crossed her arms, feeling the soft breeze that sometimes blew through Waterfall lift up her hair. "Is the so-called Great Papyrus a quitter?!"

That seemed to set something off in the skeleton. He jumped to his feet, facing her head on! "THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS BY NO MEANS A QUITTER. I ONLY QUIT AT QUITTING. THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS A MASTER OF ONLY QUITTING QUITTING." He paused. "YES?"

Undyne laughed. She hadn't expected that, but she liked the guy's style. "Alright! Then we keep going then! You still have to show me your power! But instead of puny arm wrestling, let's do something better!"

She uncrossed her arms and widened her stance. Her sole eye, by the dim light of the cavern's glowing rocks, seemed to shine. "Some good old-fashioned regular wrestling!"

"OH! YOU MEAN LIKE ROUGH HOUSING? I USED TO DO THAT WHEN I WAS JUST A BABYBONES-"

"Ngaahhh!"

Papyrus didn't get to say much more as an armored, manically laughing fish lady tackled him to the ground and threatened to break his spine.

* * *

"Fortitude!"

She stacked boulders atop Papyrus' shoulders, impressed as he held them aloft with those scrawny arms of his.

"Speed!"

She whistled as the skeleton somersaulted through the air on the snail racetrack for their quick sprint. Not even the fastest of the speediest snails could outdo him! He had to work on his stopping action though, and had nearly cracked his skull on the stone walls. "I'M OKAY!" he shouted after several trips through the dirt.

"Cherishment!"

She nodded in approval as Papyrus gently let the duck fly him over the gap, then patted the duck's head in gratitude. "I BELIEVED YOU COULD DO IT! AND I BELIEVE YOU CAN KEEP DOING THIS FOR AS LONG AS YOU WANT! FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!"

"Creativity!"

Undyne kind of wanted to ask how Papyrus was able to make a buff snowman of himself just in front of her house… with no other snow in sight. Still, she had to commend him for his ability to gather resources. And good use of design and sculpting capabilities.

"WHAT NEXT, CAPTAIN?"

The guy was just breezing through her tests. Why was she doing this in the first place? Eh, who cared? Time to wrap this up! Maybe this guy really could join the Royal Guard after all!

"Now the last test… your killer instinct!"

"YEAH, MY- WAIT WHAT?"

She dragged out a stuffed dummy from the far-right cavern wall, bringing it to the middle. It twitched slightly at being man-handled by the fish girl, but was otherwise obediently still as it stared its unassuming eyes at Papyrus.

Undyne pointed a threatening finger at the dummy. "Now beat that thing to a pulp!"

Papyrus looked from the cotton creation to Undyne, somehow quite confused. "BUT. THIS DUMMY LOOKS RATHER HELPLESS. IS NOT THE ROYAL GUARD SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECT SAID HELPLESS?"

"Hey, buddy! You got a problem with me?" The dummy faced Papyrus, no longer looking so meek and lifeless like before. Its once dead and black eyes turned furious. "Think I can't take a punch? Think I'll just fall over like a stuffed toy?! Foolish! Foolish! FOOLISH!"

Undyne clapped a hand over the dummy's red-fumed head. "This little guy can't even be hurt! Because they're a ghost, they're incorporeal. Which means you can give it your all without any of the consequences!" To demonstrate, Undyne grabbed the dummy by the neck, then bench pressed them over her knee. The cotton body was flexible under her strength, but was once again standing upright, with not even a strand loose from its body.

"See? See?! SEE?! I can't get hurt, no matter what stupid attacks you throw at me! Now hurry up and try to demolish me! You dummy!" The dummy then grew quiet for a second, black eyes shifting. "Wait…"

Papyrus nodded along to both Undyne's and the dummy's remarks. Still, he looked hesitant, and even raised up his hand a little feebly. "OKAY. I UNDERSTAND. BUT ISN'T THIS A TAD…VIOLENT?"

Undyne narrowed her eye. "Well, yeah! The Royal Guard's all about violence! That and helping people! But mostly violence! And helping people _with_ violence!"

"OH."

"Now hurry up and break this dummy's face!"

"Yeah!" The dummy jumped up. "And it'll be futile. Futile! FUTILE!"

"Prove your worth, Papyrus!" Undyne shouted. "Now kill 'em!"

"Yeah! Kill me!"

Papyrus was no stranger to loud noises and yelling. He was a professional at reverberating his voice across the plains of Snowdin. He'd had to, so that he could call out to his brother whenever the need arose. (He could never depend on the lazybones to remember to charge his phone). Yet somehow, the fierce yells of bloodthirsty motivation were quite intimidating. He looked down at the dummy, who was quivering in rage.

"Hit me. Hit me! HIT ME!"

Undyne clenched her fists. "Come on, Papyrus! Show me what you got! When a human comes by, you have to be ready to take their soul!"

"AH. YES. I KNEW THAT." Papyrus tapped his gloved hands against one another. "BUT WHAT ABOUT ANOTHER STRATEGY? COULD I JUST MAYBE… ASK FOR THEIR SOUL?"

"Come on. Humans are vicious creatures! With their space princesses and giant swords, they're a force to be reckoned with. What else could you do against them?"

"WELL… HOW ABOUT OFFERING THEM SOME PUZZLES? OH!" Papyrus clapped excitedly. "I COULD EXHAUST THEM THROUGH CONVOLUTED PROBLEM-SOLVING AND REPETITIVE WORDPLAY. IT EXHAUSTS SANS ALL THE TIME."

She didn't know who this Sans guy was, but she wasn't ready to use a stranger as proof of something. "As if. Puzzles, no matter how annoying they are, can't be killer like good old-fashioned violence!"

It looked like the skeleton was at a loss. He swiveled his gaze from Undyne to the still raging dummy. "OKAY. I… I WILL COMMENCE THE VIOLENCE." In his hand, a long fibula appeared. "OKAY. GET READY FOR MY SPECIAL ATTACK!"

"Hurry up!" The dummy spattered out their rage "I ain't got all day!"

Papyrus' plastered smile now looked like a grimace. Though he held that bone tight, Undyne wasn't fooled. The sheer passion she felt from Papyrus, the frantic determination to meet all of her standards, and his natural toughness to face it all – where did all of that go?

From beneath the ground a row of bones suddenly appeared. Their ends were blunt and lifted the dummy up by several inches. Papyrus still held up his fibula as this happened, and then the dummy was suddenly dropped back to the ground.

"Hey! You tricked me!" The dummy shook and frothed at the mouth. "Cheater. Cheater! CHEATER!"

"WAIT. THAT WAS JUST A WARMUP. NOW FOR MY NEW AND COOL SPECIAL ATTACK."

Suddenly! A flash of light! Undyne even had to close her eye to withstand its brightness. When it finally faded…

Papyrus was carefully, and very gently, setting up a bone on a skateboard. It had on a pair of sunglasses, a baseball cap, and buff shoulder pads on its non-existent shoulders. Papyrus then nudged it to the dummy, and it cruise controlled its way to the dummy to meet its fate for battle.

What.

The bone on the skateboard instantly fell over after hitting the dummy for negative one damage, as the dummy couldn't even be damaged in the first place.

"Hey. Hey! HEY! The heck was that? Are you making fun of me? Do I amuse you?!"

Papyrus looked unfazed by his tiny attack, instead giving a suave wink and posing for the dramatic wind that blew through the underground – the same that would seem to follow Undyne whenever she felt heroic. "THAT WAS JUST THE PRE-SPECIAL ATTACK TO MY SPECIAL ATTACK." He paused again. "IT, UM, WILL BE HERE ANY SECOND-"

Undyne couldn't hold back her laughter.

"Are you making fun of me too?!" The dummy turned to her with an expression of pure betrayal.

Undyne had to catch her breath, but she did so soon enough. With her hands, she called for a time-out. "Alright, you know what? Let's take a break. And you!" She pointed to the dummy. "I'll spar with you tomorrow, so don't get too impatient!"

The dummy grumbled and muttered underneath their breath, but they complied, going back to their usual spot by the far-right cavern wall. It was a living, after all.

She gestured for Papyrus to follow her. "Come on! I'll make you something to drink."

"ARE… ARE YOU INVITING ME INSIDE YOUR HOUSE?" Papyrus clapped his hands to his skull, eye sockets once again shining as bright as the fake stars in Waterfall. "HAVE I FINALLY HIT THE FRIEND ZONE?"

Undyne's smile never faded. "Heh, guess so. Now come inside already!"

After some thorough swiping of his boots on her welcome mat, he finally went inside with her, the gaping fish maw door closing right after him.

* * *

Few knew this, but Undyne could make a super fine milkshake if she wanted to. Sure, the milk was always way too hot, and it was 60% foam, but Papyrus was a grateful guest and accepted her treat as he sat at her dining room table. He commented on the cute fishy patterns on her tablecloth, and then lamented that her never got her a housewarming gift! Despite the fact that she most likely got this house before he even knew Undyne existed.

She sat at the table with him, holding her own goldfish-shaped cup in her hands. The tea was boiling hot, and it scorched her throat as she gulped it down. No pain, no gain! Except for some possible first-degree burns.

"Alright, guy, let's discuss your training results," she said, interrupting Papyrus as he started to relate the intricate patterns (not really) of her tiled floor.

"OH, I AM SO EXCITED!" His feet tapped excitedly. "DID I PASS WITH FLYING COLORS? AM I READY TO JOIN THE HONORED RANKS OF THE ROYAL GUARD AND EXERT MY AUTHORITARIAN WILL ON ALL?"

This was harder for her than she thought possible. She tapped her claws against the cup, its heated surface comforting her. "You did more than good. You did great! I haven't had anyone take so many spears to the face and still want them coming!"

"THANK YOU! I AM ALSO GLAD TO HAVE TAKEN YOUR ABUSE."

"Now considering all that…" Papyrus was smiling; wide, enthusiastic and innocent. She reminded him of Greater Dog, in a sense. Except he could speak full sentences and didn't slobber all over himself at the worst opportunity. "There's something missing from you… that you need to become part of the Royal Guard."

She saw Papyrus' smile fade slightly. The light from his eye sockets dimmed. She… was feeling guilty? "MISSING? IF I AM, I PROMISE TO RETRIEVE IT IMMEDITATELY SO THAT I CAN FUFILL MY LIFE-LONG DREAM!"

There was a reason why she had the mad dummy face off against Papyrus. Abrasive, aggressive and always ready for a fight, that dummy was one of the best training partners she ever had. Reading all about the tough humans in Alphys' history books, that dummy could very well act as violent and merciless as those humans could be. No human would ever be nice or peaceful, not when they stood in front of everyone's hopes and dreams. Asgore had taught her that, too. The humans were their one obstacle, and they needed to get their souls at any cost.

That was what the killer instinct was – to fight for their goal, no matter what, even if it meant to take a life.

Papyrus didn't have that instinct. Sure, he could take a punch, he could run fast, and he was more than able to help out other monsters and do all that boring charity work that the Royal Guard was kinda not really required to do anyway. Maybe he could beat people up good enough, like he _almost_ did with that dummy. But still, there was that hesitation.

She imagined Papyrus going up against a vicious, merciless human, and how his smiling face would be torn to bits. And even if he ever had the chance, he'd never land that finishing blow.

Could she really allow someone like that in the Royal Guard? Someone that would get hurt like that?

Undyne thought it over, amazed at this guy who went from a nuisance to an okay monster. It didn't matter who they were – the job of the Royal Guard, along with getting the human souls, was to protect all monsters of the Underground.

If she took him in, she'd be breaking that rule straight off, wouldn't she?

"A hobby."

She'd blurted that out with no forethought, and going by Papyrus' blank expression, he hadn't expected that either.

"A WHAT NOW?"

"A hobby." Then she nodded, slowly growing pleased with what she said. "That's it. That's what missing. You need a hobby."

"OH, I SEE. BUT SOLVING AND CREATING PUZZLES ARE A DEAR HOBBY OF MINE."

"A _good_ hobby!" She slammed a fist on the table, then stood up. The idea created a fervor in her head. She couldn't let go of this sudden bout of inspiration! "A hobby that will take all your creativity, your power, and your passion! Something that will define you as a real person!"

Papyrus nodded his skull. "I THINK I UNDERSTAND. BUT… WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY THEN, CAPTAIN UNDYNE?"

"That's easy." She pointed to the other side of her home, just a few feet away from the kitchen area. "I play the piano, and I'm freaking amazing at it!" Then she pounded the table again, splintering it dangerously. "Want me to show you?!"

"YES!"

Nothing was better than having an audience, so Undyne rushed over to her grand piano. She cracked her knuckles, flexed out her wrists a little, and took a seat before the giant instrument.

Papyrus crossed his legs, placed his hands neatly on his bony lap, and waited.

Despite her fevered glare, Undyne tapped her fingers against the keys with gentle strokes. A small crescendo here, a high allegro there. She worked the piano until the tones resounded against the ground – it was the sort of music that many a passerby in Waterfall would hear on their walks. It meshed well with the sometime melancholy air of Waterfall; this place of lost wishes, dark hallways and whispering flowers. The sharp notes of the keys floated through the air, that even Papyrus was breathless (well, more than usual). Undyne's back was straight, and her movements were natural. Her feet pressed against the pedals on the bottom, controlling the piano's sounds with utmost dexterity.

Then she hit the part of the song where she, without fail, got freaking pumped.

Undyne smashed the flat of her palms against the keys, hitting all the notes required. It still sounded melodic, but now she was going fast, playing the tune to its utmost limit. Her fingers moved fast, the pedals underneath threatened to break from the sheer force. If one heard closely, the piano parts inside it were reaching their breaking point.

Also, Undyne was totally singing.

"Da na na! Dah _na! Yeah!_ Na na na NA!"

Papyrus was moving his bony body to the rhythm. "THIS IS MY FAVORITE PART!"

Then Undyne finished her mini concert by smashing her fists into the keys until a few chords broke. The piano's now-splintered legs wobbled, but their musical notes still resounded in the air in their finality.

"NGAAH!" She faced Papyrus. "And that's how you hobby!"

He clapped his hands, completely and utterly amazed. "I AM COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY AMAZED. SUCH MUSICAL TALENT. THIS IS THE TRUE POWER OF THE CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD."

Finally cooling down from musical workout, Undyne grinned. "Yeah, I'm a pro. I even teach piano lessons to some monsters around here!" She looked to the now demolished piano. "Man, I need to have Alphys fix this again…"

"I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE SUCH A MUSICAL TALENT OF MY OWN. BUT, I HAVE NEVER TRIED AN INSTRUMENT." Papyrus' skull furrowed like clay. "MY BROTHER IS THE MORE MUSICALLY-INCLINED OF THE FAMILY. HIM AND HIS…" He sighed. "TROMBONE."

Undyne was already working her brain to figure out what to do next. "Well, besides dumb puzzles, what else do you like to do?"

"OH, LOTS OF THINGS. I LIKE SURFING THE UNDERNET, AND RIDING IN MY RACE CAR BED, AND WATCHING MY FAVORITE STAR ON TELEVISION, AND COOKING AND-"

She waved off the rest. "Back up. Cooking?" That's it. Time to wing this. "Well, that sounds like a hobby waiting to be nurtured the heck out of!"

"R-REALLY?" Papyrus was once again surprised. "BUT I HAVE NOT EVEN TOLD YOU WHAT I COOK-"

"Who cares!?" Undyne went to the cabinets, and pulled out the first thing she found. A torn box of store-brand spaghetti.

She wouldn't let this guy be hurt by joining the guard, but she could do the next best thing. Stall it to hell and back.

"To be part of the guard, you need some extra training in your hobby!" She held up the spaghetti box to Papyrus' face. "And I'm going to train you how to cook the best spaghetti there is! Now let's start!"

Papyrus got to his feet, already saluting her. "YES, WHATEVER YOU SAY, CAPTAIN."

"Come on, come on! Don't waste all this hot water we got going!" She cranked the heat up on the stove, and poured water into a pot. It boiled in no time flat. "Now start dunking the pasta in here. Show it who's boss!"

If Papyrus was anything, he was a great student.

"NYEEEH!" He threw the spaghetti into the pot, the strands flying everywhere, with some hitting his eye sockets. He paid them no mind.

"Now the ingredients! And the meatballs! And the mushrooms! You ever had spaghetti with both meatballs _and_ mushrooms!? It's the freaking best!"

If any passerby had walked near Undyne's home in Waterfall, they would have hurried it the heck out of there, thinking that a terrible battle was being waged, and wanting to steer clear of any collateral damage.

* * *

After Undyne's house burned down again for the fifth time that year, she and Papyrus stood outside, a little blackened by soot, but otherwise all smiles.

"DID I DO GOOD, UNDYNE? I MEAN, CAPTAIN UNDYNE?"

She clapped a dirty hand on his back. "Just call me Undyne, you dweeb." She grinned wide. "You did great!"

"WOWIE! SO… DID I PASS?"

"Hm, I think a little more training would help you right out. We need to take in the very best, you know!"

Still, she couldn't help but throw him a bone… so to speak.

"After all, we do have positions open for sentries…"


End file.
